“You are my friends
if you do what I command you.” John
15:14
In the above verse, Jesus
tells us there is a condition to being His friend – obedience to His Word. We can have friendship with Him, provided we
are willing to submit to His authority. This
same principle holds true with a parent-child relationship.
As parents, we can become friends with our children, but only after they
have submitted themselves to our authority and proven they have put into practice the
Biblical principles we have, hopefully, instilled in them.
Unfortunately, many parents today try to be friends with their child long
before the child has proven his/her willingness to be obedient to us or to God. As Christian parents, we are to bring our children
up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). That should be our first priority and should never
be compromised by our desire to be their friend.
Being a godly parent
requires true love, and true love sometimes requires chastisement, discipline, and the
teaching of self-control (in addition to our own practice of these things). God Himself makes it clear He chastises us because
He loves us (Hebrews 12:5-13), that it is not pleasant at the moment (either to parent or
child), but it produces righteousness, a quality of God we are to strive for. If we are to be imitators of God, we are to have
the eternal interest of our children in mind, trying our best to develop the fruit of the
Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) in them. That
expresses a far greater love than a momentary emotion or feeling. We must obey God first to be the best friend
possible to our children.
Too many parents today
cater to their children’s whims and demands, never realizing they may well be
condemning them to heartache and disaster, both now and eternally. Our media is filled with calls to ensure personal
rights, control guns, reduce crime, be non-judgmental, be accepting and tolerant, etc.,
but these vain attempts to correct the woes of our nation and the world will never
succeed. Instead, if every parent demanded
obedience, accountability, self-discipline, respect for authority and others, justice,
appropriate punishment for misdeeds, and a righteous lifestyle of their children (as well
as themselves), the problems would be virtually eliminated.
To train our children as we should, we may forgo being their “friend”
for now. But, when their training is
complete, we can be friends with them and Jesus, for we too will have done what He has
commanded.